There are a wide range of issues that need to be considered when looking for good parenting tips as a single mother. These include dealing with how to raise boys, who are totally different in their psychological make up from girls and require vastly different guidance, through to the importance of self care. Not to mention the challenges of dealing children who may need specialised therapy or treatment for various reasons.
Give credit where it is due
It is challenging to be doing your best and continually hearing how doctors, teachers and therapists always seem to have the answers. Single moms instinctively understand their children better than any ‘experts’ enough to monitor behavioral trends and emotions as well as understanding the complexity of children. Few of these experts can impart parenting tips for single mothers that they don’t already know. Kids who suffer from learning disabilities, autism or who are bipolar may need specialised therapy, but at the end of the day the mom juggles the broader picture of interconnected needs.
Mothers understand that where a teacher may just see learning issues, that there are psychological or biological factors which underpin them. Often experts are not aware that single parents who have experience with for example, post institutionalisation, would know more than a paediatrician. This assumption results in parents input not being heard when they attend such gatherings as IEP (Individualised Education Plan) discussions or treatment team meetings. These opportunities to share parenting tips for single mothers and inform experts in context are few and far between.
As experienced authors will tell you ‘There is no simple formula for shifting people’s perceptions from you being “just the mom” to being a well-informed adjunct of any team or professionals treating your child,’ however there are a few solutions:
- During any discussion be as organised as possible, even with visual aids if appropriate
- Employ analogies by using real life examples to illustrate your point
- Find others who will support you in your claims
- Be calm and avoid anger or ego getting in the way of looking out for your child’s wellbeing
- Don’t be afraid to be stubborn and tough and stand up for your child showing experts you are more than ‘just a mom.’
Parenting tips for single mothers with boys
When it comes to parenting tips on facilitating healthy role models, in tandem to having your son seek out his own leader figures, there are a few things you can do to facilitate his coming of age. There may not always be a man around, but you can raise an emotionally healthy male with the inspiration of a few other single moms who succeeded well alone in their task. In fact, Tom Cruise, Ed Bradley, Alexander Haig, Bill Clinton, Alan Greenspan, Bill Cosby, Dr. Benjamin Carson and Les Brown are among the long list of boys all raised by single mothers.
Additional parenting tips for single mothers include considering your son’s differences as being unique and accept them and don’t make him the man of the house. At a very young age he cannot fulfil the archetypes we hope him to grow into so make sure you don’t impose these on him from your own needs perspective. When he is older he will inevitably take on adult responsibilities, but until then you are his representing caregiver – not the other way round.
Whilst it is important to nurture the caregiver male role in him, basic parenting tips for single mothers who are raising boys must urge them to be aware of his emotional and mental boundaries while he is still young. These boundaries can then further guide your expectations and shaping of him. Remember to tell your son how much he means to you and keep focusing on his positive tendencies as well as the traits in others you may come across on a day to day basis.
Parenting tips for single mothers with girls
For single mothers who seek parenting tips which bring depth of understanding to not only basic day to day needs, but the deeper issues mothers face when raising daughters there are notable authors who provide pearls of wisdom to last a lifetime. Often, being aware of these as early as possible allows a mother to adjust her approach to raising her daughter. In Elizabeth Debolds’ Mother Daughter Revolution: From Good Girls to Great Women, she attends the questions mothers single or married as themselves when it comes to parenting. These include rectifying mistakes of their mothers and informing moral choices.
Mother Daughter Revolution: From Betrayal to Power looks at parenting tips single mothers guiding an adolescents must know. Authors Elizabeth Debold, Marie Wilson, and Idelisse Malave are sensitive about how they address daily dilemmas as mothers who are deeply concerned with the daughter’s survival in a patriarchal society. This book looks at the nature of building a trusting relationship between mother and daughter. It also focuses on the realities of what to expect during adolescence.
The entire book is written in problem/solution style from adolescence to womanhood using stories with which the single mother can identify. For example how since youth we have been programmed by outdated parenting tips for single mothers and being told to ‘be nice’, whereas this may become a negative approach when it leads to having ones rights infringed upon.
In Reviving Ophelia, clinical psychologist Dr. Mary Pipher looks at social and cultural pressures faced by today’s teenage girls. She provides case histories from her own to make recommendations for change through understanding them. Dr. Pipher covers sensitive parenting tips for single mothers such as why girls suffer from eating disorders or have the desire to hurt – or even kill themselves. There are various changes that occur when girls enter adolescence and in this context, Reviving Ophelia’s observations also cover why confident, seemingly well-adjusted girls may become sad and angry.
From a single mother’s perspective, when it comes to needing parenting tips for complex daughters, Dr. Pipher’s years of experience in both teaching and counseling young women reveal how each girl is uniquely affected by the changes that take place. Her comparisons to the theories of many psychologists and philosophers provide a rich, rewarding journey to any mother seeking to add new dimensions to her parenting approach.
Self care and good parenting
Parenting tips for single mothers can lean heavily toward technicalities, but not all of them consider the importance of self care as a basis for being able to perform these duties. Mia Redrick shares her experience around 4 strategies for mothers to adopt when practicing better self care. She starts of by stating that ‘If one millions moms took better care of themselves in 2011, the world would be a much better place.’
Stress reduction equals a different attitude when dealing with children and single mother challenges. Good physical and mental health can prop up many problems. To prove her point, Mia shares the results of a nationwide survey conducted amongst 3,000 mothers out of which 76% admitted how important self care is. In all categories of parenting tips for single mothers , as many as 80% of mothers did not spend any time caring for themselves though studies who that moms feel great when they take care of themselves.
Single moms need to fit in ‘You time’, in order to give you must put back in so finding a balance where you can is essential. Starting to study again or finding any activity that you can do for yourself, even one that can benefit you and your family indirectly can bring about balance.
Additional parenting tips for single mothers in charge of their households include being aware that there are times when one can pass along chores to the children. This fosters early independence and the ability to think for themselves and it can be fun, freeing you up to focus on your next priority. Drawing up task lists assists in creating a schedule to abide by and you can manage your time around this.
Joining single mother support groups is a great way of working through things you just cant do alone by tending your own psychological and emotional wellbeing and picking up extra parenting tips for single mothers along the way. Lastly, Mia speaks of ‘blending’ where you do something for yourself while taking care of the family for example listening to music you enjoy while bathing them or exercising when taking them to the park. Remember, when mom benefits – her family does too.