Single Parenting Advice
When it comes to a child’s anger, it can be confusing, traumatic and exhausting for parents to deal with. Single parenting advice and married parent advice in this case is not much different, at the end of the day the child’s emotional development is the same and needs to be dealt with using basic parenting tools of understanding childhood development dynamics.
The irony of dealing with childhood anger is the resultant anger emotions that we experience in response. Experts say that we may have not been taught to deal with anger as being a fact of life during our own upbringings and have to remember as parents, teachers, counselors and administrators. Anger was tied to guilt and negative expression but it would do us a service to throw away this stigma if we are to deal with children’s anger constructively.
Dealing with anger and aggression
Single parenting advice about how to deal with anger in children imparts the goal as being not to repress or forbid these feelings in either ourselves or our children, but to accept them and channel them constructively. Children must feel all their feelings alongside adult skills to guide and direct the expression thereof. In fact, outbursts must not be met with preconceptions that there are problems, they must be treated with respect and understanding. The best single parenting advice on anger issues you will get is that most often anger is compacted hurt and fear. A trigger may release this, posing an opportunity for the child to speak about these feelings that are being harboured and work toward a healthy release.
Anger is also connected to failure, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation as well as helpless anxiety. Defiance may be related to feelings of dependency and anger to sadness and depression. One needs to understand the difference between anger and aggression before moving along to managing outbursts. Helpful single parenting advice on how to deal with anger show that understanding this difference is a key to dealing with constructive childhood emotional development as early as possible.
Anger is temporary caused by frustration, primarily an inwardly directed emotion, while aggression is an outwardly directed energy, often an attempt to hurt or destroy material things or others. When dealing with anger the approach must be one of protection, not punishment. The acceptance is the first key to directing the expression emotion in a healthier way. Single parenting advice in regard to how to deal with such situations suggests to explains ways of coping such as the following suggestions for dealing with the angry child as from The Aggressive Child by Fritz Redl and David Wineman;
- Catch the child being good: According to the authors, show the child what behaviours are pleasing by acknowledging them as they occur by making comments such as; “I like the way you come in for dinner without being reminded” and “I appreciate your hanging up your clothes even though you were in a hurry to get out to play”.
- Single parenting tips on how to deal with inappropriate behaviour suggest ignoring actions which can be tolerated: Don’t ignore the child, just the behavior. In a planned and consistent way planned and consistent the child can understand that though tolerated, it is inappropriate.
- Manipulate surroundings: Tough, tempting situations can encourage aggressive behaviour. Learn to spot these and counter them.
- Use closeness and touching: Your physical presence can have as a calming effect since children try and involve adults in what they are doing. Inadvertently annoyed by being bothered can fuel the flames. Single parenting advice in cases where its difficult to be there at all times can be applied in this case once you are home and you see this reaction in the child. Small and emotionally deprived children thrive on adult involvement. For example, frustration from an older child struggling with reading can be dealt with by suggesting, “Show me which words are giving you trouble.”
- Use humour as a counter-agent: These can afford the child an opportunity to save face, make sure that you don’t tease or belittle.
- Appeal directly to the child: Evoke consideration and cooperation for example:, “I know that noise you’re making doesn’t usually bother me, but today I’ve got a headache, so could you find something else you’d enjoy doing?” Such single parenting advice can prove invaluable.
- Explain things: When afforded the opportunity to understand the cause of a stressful situation, the child can begin to react properly.
- Use physical restraint: Where appropriate, this averts parent anger arising and a destructive environment.
- Encourage children to see both their strengths and weaknesses: Such assistance can help them see their goals as being achievable
- Use promises and rewards: If not done in the manner of bribery, this can be a good technique for incentivization.
- Say “NO!” : Single parenting advice such as this assists to create strong boundaries and healthy limits.
- Show and tell the child that you understand and accept his or her angry feelings but guide the expression thereof into words and instead of the physical (fists).
- Build positive self- esteem: Encourage children to see themselves as having value.
- Use punishment carefully: DO NOT use physical punishment, rather institute a time-out.
- Model appropriate behaviour: Children mirror behaviour, being aware of this is important single parenting advice.
- Teach children to be honest: Talking helps a child to take control in order to reducing acting out solutions can include “I don’t like your taking my pencil. I don’t feel like sharing just now.”
The roles of good and bad discipline are just as important to understand when enforcing these pointers of single parenting advice. Good discipline employs reasoning and clarity, while bad discipline uses punishment, which stands the risk of attacking the child’s integrity. It is essential to assist the child in developing respect.
Single parenting advice for dealing with mood swings
George Tucker, PhD writes that when we are born, we are not expected to control out attention span or moods, and that this is the task of the guardian. Soon enough the child may learn patterns of predictability and cause and effect such as hunger met with feeding and tiredness with being rocked to sleep.
As they grow this changes and self control results in asking for food when they are hungry or waiting until dinner is ready. Along with this phase of development comes a certain amount of applied delayed gratification such as leaving desert for after dinner. However, for parents who are not seeing this behaviour in their children, single parenting advice for children from Dr Tucker delves into the dynamics of learning disability in the areas of attention, concentration, or mood regulation.
Before the turn of the century, according to Dr Tucker, helpful book were written on the topics of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder such as The Parents’ Hyperactivity Handbook, by Dr. David Paltin. Since, a fair amount of research has been conducted into Juvenile Bipolar Disorder. Single parenting advice on the topic is not easily found however Dr Tucker explains; “The work of Young and his colleagues has indicated that many youngsters who failed to respond to the usual interventions for AD/HD such as behavioral and social skills programs, neurofeedback, and medication may have been erroneously diagnosed as AD/HD when they actually suffered from a mood disorder. ”
This mood disorder could have been depression or Juvenile Bipolar Disorder while Young and his colleagues report that some children can have a mood disorder and AD/HD. This can complicate matters but knowing what you are dealing with can sometimes make the battle much easier to endure. A family history of depression, Bipolar Disorder (formerly called Manic-Depressive Disorder), or alcohol/substance abuse is often present in either the parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents of the child can prove as a guide. Single parenting advice in the case of adoptive children, however may make diagnosis more difficult.
It may be useful to know from an expert that usual methods of dealing with attention and concentration issues have not proven successful, it may be time to consider the possibility of a mood disorder. There are certain solutions around cognitive and behavioral techniques, including developing more optimistic thinking, that can be used in a therapeutic attempt to increase a child’s regulation of their moods. For more single parenting advice on this matter, follow Dr George Tucker’s work and blog posts online.
Additional books to consider reading include;
- Straight Talk about Your Child’s Mental Health: What to Do When Something Seems Wrong by Stephen V. Faraone Phd.
- Stop the Screaming: How to Turn Angry Conflict With Your Child into Positive Communication by Carl E. Pickhardt Ph.D.
- Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid’s Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem by Gershen Kaufman , Lev Raphael, Pamela Espeland
- Parenting With Love And Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, all of which offer wonderful tips for single parenting advice to make your journey more rewarding and take the edge off of the tough times.