Single Parenting And Emotions Of Children
Renee Dietz writes from experience when she advises on single parenting and the emotions of children. Different children, as they pass from toddlers through adolescence, express their emotions in unique ways. Where one child may throw a fit of temper under stress another may become introverted. As a single parent, Renee explains that you are responsible to teach your child that being upset is normal, as long as there are boundaries to expressing these emotions.
It is as viable to react to a child’s anger with anger, as it is to fight fire with fire. An angry child will respond better when dealt with calmly. The anger emotion is simply a form of condensed pain and hurt., this is helpful to understand in cases of single parenting and the emotions of children. Tenderness and understanding on the other hand, will be more effective than a mirror magnifying the pain. Renee points out that at a child’s emotive peak of anger they will not be able to understand reason and therefore its best to stop it as soon as possible before it reaches this stage. In order to do this, she advises finding a quiet place or the child’s room to calm. At first this may require firm guidance but soon the child will understand that these ‘time outs’ are there to solve the problem at hand.
In regard to your single parenting and the emotions of children, your actions may be catalysts for their emotional outbursts. Renee suggests keeping a journal to track the anger triggers so that you can tell the difference between simply refusing to do a chore or something you have done. As the child grows you will deal with these situations differently, as long as there is consistency in regard parenting and you are prepared to listen to the causes of the upset, the outcomes will be manageable.
When emotional intensity is a new experience
Robert Hughes, Jr., Ph.D., Former Professor at the University of Missouri-Columbia Department of Human Development & Family Studies College of Human Environmental Sciences writes on Helping Children Understand Emotions. Dr Hughes explains that a range of emotions from negative to positive are indicators telling us how we feel in various situations. Understanding the issues involved with single parenting and emotions of children will assist mothers and fathers to know which ones serve to put a stop to negative experiences. The difference in children is that they may feel emotions, but do not always understand them or know what to do while having them. Children in single parent families can help their children cope with a range of confusing emotions by teaching them to understand emotions and process feelings.
Single parent family children will need to deal with many new emotions, whether to cope with the change or understand why their family is different from others. Single parenting and emotions of children go hand in hand in the sense that single parents can in fact prepare their children for resilience for readily that if they were in a more pampered environment.
Dr Hughes explains that children in shock may withdraw from those they care about or cry for no apparent reason. A sign to assist in guiding them is when they ask a lot of questions, this is an opportunity to inform them and set them at ease. Children in single parent families need to be reminded that the situation whether a death, divorce or abandonment is not their fault. They frequently carry guilt or shame and transfer fears onto the remaining parent. It’s important to instil a sense of value and worth in the child ensuring they understand that single parent families are nothing to be embarrassed about. Kids frequently feel relieved after a divorce and adjust as life settles into a routine, allowing them to focus on other things.
Emotions and feeling
Single parenting and emotions of children can be tricky territory to explore when children may not yet have made the connection between facial expressions being connected to the way they feel inside. To help children connect with their feelings, Dr Hughes suggests that parents make this connection for them by having them re enact a range of different emotions and report how each make their insides and faces feel. The complexity of guilt and shame on the other hand may need discussions to clarify that it’s not their fault. Children in single parent families need to be encouraged to recognise the strengths within their family and to focus on those. Tenuous issues around the core of single parenting and emotions of children can dissolve by allowing them to talk about their feelings is liberating and offers a platform to ensure that these aren’t bottled up.
Dr Hughes shows how when children say hateful things about themselves or you that these are important indicators to exploring and coming to terms with their emotions. The causes become clear when they are voiced and communication can be therapeutic to the child so they can get things ‘off their chest’.
Children can also learn to deal with their feelings by watching their parents cope with their own experiences. This reveals another intimate link between single parenting and emotions of children. By talking about these feelings it shows that they are manageable and may encourage children to look at things differently such as seeing opportunities in challenges. Dr Hughes suggests that with shame and guilt asking pointed questions such as: “How did you cause this?” can place blame in perspective by showing the child that guilt doesn’t make sense.
A single parent can assist their children to explore their own thinking and help them to understand which thoughts make sense. This rids them of unnecessary feelings such as shame and guilt. It is important to acknowledge that what the children are feeling emotionally is OK.
Single parenting and emotions of children:
Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UD, Carroll Izard explains that emotional intelligence learned at a young age can predict social and academic competence. His most recent research is the product of several years of leading a team who studied emotional development of disadvantaged families. These findings bear profoundly on single parenting and the emotions of children and are taking the form of an emotion-centred prevention program.
Teachers are now using the program known as “The Emotions Course,” which assists the children to build both emotional knowledge and regulation skills which can be translated into energy and motivation. “The findings on emotion knowledge excite me for a number of reasons,” Izard said. “They are a climax to a long period of basic research on the emotional development of children from economically disadvantaged families.”
When it comes to single parenting and the emotions of children, this is good news for dads and moms who can see the implications for the role teachers can now play in guiding the elements of emotional development that assist children academically. Their research, as published in the Psychological Science article finally transforms science into practice. “The principles and techniques derived from our emotion theory and research can help children, particularly those whose circumstances have left them without effective social skills.”
Izard and his team’s research focussed on ‘emotion knowledge.’ This is defined in line with the persons ability to detect emotional signals in expressive behaviour, functioning, cause, effect and regulation of emotions.
“Perhaps the greatest challenge for our future research,” Izard said, “is finding ways to help children to use emotions constructively, even the negative ones. For example, a little sadness can turn us toward family and friends, and social support can prevent the deep sadness and withdrawal of depression.”
There are many factors to consider in the world of single parenting and the emotions of children. Now, with Izard’s work, which began 34 years ago in Paris there are groundbreaking solutions to childhood emotional development. Izard originally used facial emotional detectors which cross cultural boundaries as groundwork. He photographed these and noted that children were able to match facial to emotional expressions from around the ages of 2 through 10 years. This assists children to talk about their feelings.
For younger children, the Emotions Course adopts puppet play, emotion storybooks and interactive games like “tell me a time when you were happy or sad”. This enhances their ability to understand and manage their emotions. In the cases of single parenting and the emotions of children it is powerful to know that “If you can increase emotion knowledge and emotion regulation early in a children’s development, that will speed up the development of social skills and influence how well they get along with their peers and even how well they do academically,” as Izard points out.