A mom’s relationship with her child is like nothing else, but when they leave the nest one wonders what those years of ups and downs ensuring they are stable and balanced add up to? A basic human need is to feel connected to something larger than ourselves. Fundamental well being depends on it, and this is where our children will look to for meaningful experiences and connections. We wonder who they will do as single parents, our children out navigating on their own? Mothers often wonder whether they will face the future with hope, will they be able to commit, achieve goals and act responsibly.
When it comes to single parenting and maternal relations, to these mom’s, basic nurturing relations this is the stuff of successful parenting. It ends up being more important than whether they are breast of bottle fed or raised at home or in day-care. Not to mentioned whether their teeth are brushed or how well they fit into the larger community. It is their happiness that lies at the core of it all. This is why developing their own core is the most important thing a parent can do but is lost when inevitable challenges arise.
Choosing single motherhood
Expert Michael Gurian says that we think of our children often as being boys and girls instead of souls. In relation to single parenting and maternal relations, Mikki Morrisette addresses a handful of nationally respected child development experts consulted for her Choosing Single Motherhood to assist single parents to nurture well developed individuals. These include a list of fundamental concepts which Mikki, respected freelance journalist and single mom of two, outlines. Number one is; The Basics, which suggest that children do not need perfect lives to grow up whole and that mistakes are what form character.
Any mom or dad wishing to delve deeper into issues of single parenting and maternal relations should read Richard Weissbourd’s book The Vulnerable Child. The author suggests that a well balanced child needs;
- order and consistency;
- a continuous relationship with a caring adult who sees the child as special;
- interaction with an adult who stimulates, engages, challenges and provides a compass for meeting social and moral expectations;
- strong friendships and community ties;
- protection from exploitation and discrimination, as well as a sense of justice and opportunity for achievement;
- attention to any special health, social and educational needs
Richard shows that when it comes to single parenting and maternal relations and when children have the above ingredients, they are likely to trust themselves and the inner world even when suffering hardships. He makes it clear that children who grow without these ingredients are clearly not underclass or from single parent families only. He states that looking at children through this lens forces policymakers and the public to view the many vulnerable children in this country who are not poor.
Maternal empowerment for parent and child
Mikki’s second concept is ‘Understanding the child’, where she refers to Michael Guran and Mary Sheedy Kurcinka’s concept of ‘nature based parenting.’ The concept underlies the idea that emotional intelligence can be instilled by understanding the child’s weaknesses and strengths as opposed to the parent’s perception thereof. This way, confidence to deal with life’s curveballs comes more naturally making single parenting and maternal relations run much more smoothly.
The third concept is Community. Mikki explains how vital this is to the child throughout her book. Here Kyle Pruett recommends a team of secondary care-givers, at least one of them a being male, be arranged to balance single parenting and maternal relations as early as possible to assist mom. Kyle’s pointers suggest that this will assist to instil the following elements in the child;
- encourage both connection to others and independence;
- instil a sense of personal safety as well as assertiveness;
- offer predictability and flexibility;
- have respect for relationships and rules;
- be duty-bound as well as empathetic;
- provide an environment that is demanding and responsive.
Community as a single parent buffer
Michael Gurian further refers to community contributing mentors, role models and general group dynamics. In his book, The Wonder of Boys, he refers to how busy parents and less emphasis on cultivating the soul, lead to the danger of celebrities becoming heroes, peers the role models. When it comes to single parenting and maternal relations, such issues need to be understood as early as possible, to ensure that measures are taken within the bounds of the community to rectify it.
While a typical single mother will consider family and friends to help through the formative years community is something more, something that can offset stages of loneliness and isolation which can occur in single parenthood. This emphasis means that to strengthen your situations within the context for single parenting and maternal relations that by maintaining a balance, you can identify adults in the neighborhood who children respect and are willing to look out for their safety as if they were their own. Most likely, a dedicated mom will volunteer to coach or teach a skill at the community center or church in her neighborhood.
Mutual respect – a single parent’s saving grace
Mikki’s fourth concept deals with establishing mutual respect. Fundamental to maternal relations as a single mom is realizing that many of the children she spoke to for her book’s chapter entitled How are the kids turning out. This presents a strong argument for single parenting and maternal relations showing that the concern was not relevant in that the strong relationship they have with their mothers was example enough to balance out the lack of a present father figure as one would have in a unit. She also notes that children who had loving connections with their single mothers foster a great deal of mutual respect – the key ingredient to healthy, highly effective relationship building.
The fifth concept is Authoritative parenting, in other words dealing with boundaries where a foundation of mutual respect results in not needing to yell or threaten to get results. It’s naturally harder when it comes to single parenting and maternal relations for just one parent to create boundaries, but consistently establishing authority and enforcing mutual respect helps a great deal. The contrast is permissive or indulgent parents which are slack in setting or imposing rules as opposed to the autocratic single parent who discipline too harshly without a balanced measure of discussion or affection.
Mikki shows that if single parenting maintains an authoritative relationship, any problems that develop can be averted. This reinforces the potential to create strong healthy bonds through single parenting and maternal relations. Such parenting guidance can be of great value to a single mother for implementation, where the male enforcer is not present.
Single parenting and maternal relations: the career mom
Although there’s no secret recipe to balancing work and motherhood, there are thousands of women out there who have learned to do it successfully, women who’ve taken on this challenge before us and have come out on top. Thousands of women balance motherhood and their careers though there is no recipe. Generations have succeeded and proven to be in inspiration to those who follow.
Lisa Druxman, M.A., founder of Stroller Strides, the largest fitness program for new moms in the United States understands the dynamics of single parenting and maternal relations under career pressures more than most. Her personal mission is to help mothers achieve their dreams as mom entrepreneurs. Lisa hosts a free online call each month for mommy-owned businesses.
Lisa counts herself fortunate to have interviewed many entrepreneurial moms. According to her, without fail, at some point during our conversation, they all say: “When I’m working, I feel like I should be with my kids. But when I’m with my kids, I feel like I should be working.” This guilt does not stop the striving for success in both areas though moms wish to excel at both.
Tips for the mompreneur
When it comes to juggling work with single parenting and maternal relations Lisa admits that there isn’t any one particular solution but she isolated some common among successful working moms resulting in 10 tips for being both;
- Get – and stay organized: There is no time to waste looking for things, keep it all clean and where you can find it immediately.
- Have a plan: Have a comprehensive daily planner to ensure you don’t double up by combining your parent and work appointments in one. When it comes to work, single parenting and maternal relations – ultimate flexibility is the key.
- Work with your family, not against them: Kid proof your office and find covers for everything, don’t tempt the little ones with reports to draw on with their crayons but do involve them when they get older where and when realistic.
- Think nap to nap, not 9 to 5 – break out of the 9-to-5 office hours’ tradition. Hours as a mompreneur for single parenting and maternal relations have their own life, as long as it gets done it shouldn’t matter whether is 9am or 9pm.
- Stay ahead of the game: Prepare for the next morning by laying out the lunchboxes etc so you have some time to wake earlier and get some exercise or you-time.
- Suzy Homemaker who? Martha Stewart ended up in jail, nobody is perfect as long as you prioritize accordingly what has slipped cant be that important.
- Schedule a mommy day: take one day for yourself and work the night before and next morning to make up for it, you wont be sorry.
- Stay focused, and don’t get sidetracked: if you break up the chores into day by day needs it will all get done without you getting sidetracked by laundry etc.
- Take care of you: Single parenting and maternal relations is no easy task to maintain when you work for yourself so mark time for you on your on your calendar – tasks will always seem incomplete but you need to fuel up stay on that journey.